Let’s face it! Kids don’t care about your measly salary or how you had to make them eat rice all week just to get by. All they care about is that new Chewbacca action figure or a giant and bombastic birthday cake. If you can’t stand their spoiled, adorable asses anymore, meet them halfway with these cheap chinese knockoffs and see if they can spot the difference. We’re pretty sure they will, but it’ll get them cracking a rib or two when they take a look at these!
OBAMA, THE DARK JEDI
One thing that no one told you about the former president of the United States is that he was a Jedi of the Republic in his younger days. In reality, they seem to have taken a Mace Windu figurine and put Barack’s face and name on top of it. Oh Asia, you’re so crazy!
HE’S JUST IN TIME TO SAVE DINNER
Coming straight from Bizarro World, this hero will save the world and give you a nice bowl of soup afterwards. Faster than a speeding bullet and just as comforting as chicken soup.
ACTUALLY, HE PREFERS THE TERM “DISABLED”
It’s deformed indeed, as we can’t see the wheels, the hood or the doors anywhere. This is nothing but a cheap copy of a discounted “Transformer.” Sword sold separately.
AH YES, ROBERT COP. OR AS HIS FRIENDS CALL HIM, BOB COP.
Who could forget the sad story of Alex ‘Robert’ Murphy, whose middle name was lost to the ages? Until a crafty manufacturer uncovered it from the clutches of copyright infringement, that is.
IT EVEN SAYS SO IN THE LABEL
Careful, as this isn’t Unilever’s “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.” This is something else, it’s something unbelievable and clearly not butter, but it’s totally some other thing. We’d ask what’s in it, but we’d be better off not knowing, I’m pretty sure.
HEROES IN A SWEATSHOP, KNOCKOFF POWER!
In the land of unlicensed copies, why dress as the TMNT when you can be Adolescent Monstrous Samurai Amphibians, or a warrior from “Silent War?” Think about it. It’s not cooler but it’s damn cheap.
POUR THOSE “PORLEOS” INTO SOME “MALK”
Listen, we’ve all been down on our luck, and we know there comes a time when you have to buy from the bargain bin. But please, oh please, don’t buy these fake Oreos. You don’t even know what’s in them, and we’re pretty sure it’s not cookies.
AFFORDABLE PRICES FOR ALL COMMONERS
This burger joint knows what’s up. It knows that not everyone has a vast network of levies to collect from their own private kingdom. It also knows how to get people to associate their humble abode with the famous chain.
MOVE OVER “EAT MY SHORTS”, HERE COMES A CHALLENGER
Ah yes, who could forget Bart’s famous quote from The Simpsons? It’s right up there with Burns’ “Adequate!” and Homer’s “Yaaay!”
DO THEY KNOW HIS NAME? DO THEY CARE?
“You know, the dude! The one you have to find? What was its name? William? Walter? Anyway, I got you his shirt for Halloween.”