Most people know by the first date if things aren’t going to work out. You just look at your Tinder or Grindr date and think “Why the heck am I wasting my time with this person?” Sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there, and sometimes you just can’t stand the person. For some reason though, we keep going on dates with people we have nothing in common with, and it turns out there are lot of people guilty of doing this.
Not all relationships have to be long-term, but most of us are looking to get serious eventually. However, when we date people we know we could never settle down with, it takes some of the pressure off. Those kinds of relationships don’t cause heartbreak when they end, so it can be tempting to stay in them just to stop from getting hurt.
WHEN POLITE GOES TOO FAR
A lot of the time, deal-breakers don’t show up until the third or fourth date, and by that point there’s a lot of pressure. It can be tempting just to give the other person a chance, and hold off on ending things just in case things change further down the line.
When people in a relationship are obviously not working, a lot of the time it’s because they’re just too different. The trouble is that we’re often attracted to people we have nothing in common with, just because they’re interesting or exciting.
THE SPIDER AND THE FLY
Craving affection also means we can often settle for a lot less than we deserve. Even if a date is arrogant or selfish, we can fall into the trap of still wanting their approval, and convince ourselves that their flaws don’t matter.
NICE GUYS FINISH LAST
Just because someone is wrong for someone, that doesn’t mean that they’re automatically terrible. Breaking up with someone can make us feel like that bad guy, and too often we avoid that by staying with people we know aren’t good for us.
THE HEAD AND THE HEART
The human brain is a complicated thing, and sometimes it can make us act in crazy ways. Even though it’s counter-productive, psychology shows we will stay with someone we have nothing in common with, just to avoid hurting their feelings.
IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME
It’s human nature to want to be loved and accepted, and that can occasionally go too far. It’s far too easy to stay with someone you’re not crazy about, just because it feels better than being alone.
TEAR YOURSELF AWAY
Most people have a celebrity they love to hate, or a TV show they watch but just can’t stand. People we don’t like are fascinating to us, and just like that cringey soap opera or trashy reality show, it can be hard to stop watching even if we don’t know why.
The best part about ending a hate-dating relationship, is that you get to date someone you actually like! However, if you’ve been dating someone you can’t stand for a while, slipping into old habits is dangerously easy. Before starting a new relationship, think about exactly what it is you deserve, and don’t settle for anything less.
BREAKING THE CYCLE
Hate-Dating is obviously a toxic way to live, but it can be hard to know how to get out of the cycle. It might be hard, but the easiest way is just to tell the truth, both to your partner and to yourself. Once you know how you really feel, it can be much easier to move on.