These inventive excuses have been used by criminals from around the world to try and avoid punishments for their sometimes horrific crimes. Nice try guys, but next time you need to be a little bit more believable (or just don’t commit the crime in the first place!)
IT WAS MY EVIL TWIN
Incredibly, this defense actually worked for Malaysians, Sathis and Sabarish Raj in 2009. Drug police didn’t take note of which twin was driving the car that had transported 364 lb of cannabis and 3.7 lb of opium. They both blamed each other and guess what? A judge ruled it was impossible to tell which twin it actually was, so they both went free!
BLAMING THE DIET
In 2010, Rashad Valmont, a US army reserve officer, shot dead his supervisor. His defense? Apparently, his weight-loss diet left him weak and diminished his mental capacity! Before you ask, no it didn’t work. Eating too much lettuce is not a defense that stands up in court.
WE’RE IN THE MATRIX
Not one, but two grisly criminals have used this one as an excuse. The worst has to be Vadim Mieseges, a San Francisco State University student, who killed, skinned and chopped up his landlady. Apparently, she was sending out evil vibes, and he was afraid he would get sucked in The Matrix. Weird, but his crystal meth habit totally explains it.
IT’S BECAUSE I’M A WEREWOLF
One full moon in 2011, police were called after 20-year-old Thomas Stroup got into a number of fights at an Ohio campground. When they turned up at his door, he explained his difficult situation. On a recent trip to Germany he was scratched by a wild wolf, and now he’s a werewolf! Unsurprisingly, the police didn’t buy his story one bit, and he was charged with under-age consumption. Maybe he should have got them to watch some Twilight, or Hemlock Grove before trying that one.
HIGH ON NUTMEG
It’s Sweden in January 2012. A 28-year-old man is going around spitting in stranger’s faces, so he starts being called the llama man. Police finally catch him, and he has a spicy excuse … the llama man is high on nutmeg! Now, I bet that wasn’t a sentence you thought you’d be reading today.
HE WANTED ME TO
In 2008, 25-year-old Rebecca Bargy blamed her husband’s death on his fondness for a bit of bondage. He suffocated at their home in Tennessee after Rebecca gagged him, taped over his eyes and mouth, and wrapped a bandage around his head. Despite Rebecca’s explanation, police charged her with negligent homicide. This is probably because once she’d trussed him up, she left him for 20 hours to go meet with another man!
I WAS SLEEPWALKING
In some cases sleepwalking could actually be a defense. But in 1997 it didn’t work for Scott Falater from Phoenix, Arizona. The fact that he had the presence of mind to clean and wash his clothes after stabbing his wife 44 times, made the jury think otherwise.
I PICKED THIS UP AT THE HEALTH FOOD STORE
TBH this excuse would probably fly in Colorado or California today, but it didn’t in Georgia in 2015. After stopping 26-year-old Richard Relliford, police found a big bag of marijuana in his car. To try and avoid arrest, he explained that it was a salad that he’d picked up at the health food store! Hmm… you don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to work that lie out.
In Australia in 2015, Sandesh Baliga was on trial for stalking two women who he had persistently contacted, approached in public, and even called his girlfriends. His defense was that he was just using the same persistent techniques that he saw his Bollywood heroes using to get girls to fall in love with them. The worst thing about this case is that the judge let Sandesh go without any punishment. All he had to do was show good behavior for 5 years. Nice going, Mr. Judge! We sure did miss having this model citizen among us!
THE ORIGINAL FAKE NEWS
In 2015, Pamela Downs was arrested for using a counterfeit $5 note. Apparently, she thought printing her own cash was okay after reading a satirical new article in The Skunk. It said Barack Obama was going to give all Americans a printing press so that they could print their own currency! Whether she really believed this or not, it didn’t help her as she was still charged with counterfeiting and criminal situation.